I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
