when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
