In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
