So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Randomize
