Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
