Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
