Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
