I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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