Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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