just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
