Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
