Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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