I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
