dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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