I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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