Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
