I cannot find my penis.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
