Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
