My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
