Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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