i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
