omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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