the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You made out with two different species that night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
