why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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