Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
