It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
