I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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