Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
