The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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