i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
