I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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