so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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