im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
COCAINE IS GR8
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
