I think I just saw someone hide a body.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
