he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
