this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
