i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
