she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My first STD was from a foam party
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
