I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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