no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
