a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We have started to decorate penises.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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