haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize