That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
