im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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