Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize