Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
