I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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