I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
