My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
