is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
