I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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