I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
