I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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