Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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