im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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