Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
