mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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