You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
