Yo dont text me then not text me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
