Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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