Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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