Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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