I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
