Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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