u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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