so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
