You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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