So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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