Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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