remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
