VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
