He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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