I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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