I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
